Is it just me or do any of you find there’s far too much to do and very little time to accomplish it all… so much so that it gets a bit out of control? I feel like I’ve been on overdrive mode since summer, keeping incredibly busy day and night, weekdays and weekends juggling work and numerous other things pretty much simultaneously. Believe it or not, I actually do get a kick out of “keeping busy” (I simply cannot remain idle or sit still!) but these last couple of months have proved to be more ‘overwhelming’ than ‘enjoyable’ and for some reason, I just could not get my head round on how and why I felt I was battling to handle it all! Well, I’ve never claimed to be superhuman and sadly for me, I seem to have missed out on being gifted with that so-called multitasking skill we women were all supposedly meant to have (seriously what is that all about!?!) nevertheless, I’ve always managed well enough thus far in life even with the ups and downs – we all go through those phases, right? However, as much as I hate admitting it, this time round, I feel like my level of efficiency and perfectionism has taken an unexpected and much harder hit…………as soon as I feel smug about accomplishing the tasks on my ‘to do’ list, there’s like another 101 things added to the bottom of it! That darn list seems to keep growing!!! Every day, I seem to be adding things or re-writing new lists. And my diary/planner gets crammed even more with appointments, events and deadlines and I find myself constantly playing catch up no matter how hard and long I worked at it – how on earth did it get this crazy?!
I’m not sure if its a woman thing or the curse of being a perfectionist….or both…but instead of accepting that things can get a little too much to bear, I try even harder to prove that notion wrong! I am constantly telling myself how absurd it is, that “if X, Y and Z can do it, why on earth can’t I?” Perhaps, that’s where it all goes wrong? I keep looking around at all the working women I see ….those so-called ‘superwomen’ I idolise who somehow seem to juggle work, social life, relationships and family so effortlessly that I dare not even utter the word ‘struggling’ especially when I don’t even have kids in the equation! I even look at our mothers, aunts, grandmothers and admire how they managed to work, raise kids, put food on the table, run the house (among many other things)….they went on about their businesses without ever complaining! “Stress” and “anxiety” was unheard of in their time….you just got on with it! Ironically, we still do that in this day an age and yet the consequences of not accepting or addressing these ‘bad/off days’, afraid of how that may look, results in questioning yourself and your ability to manage or meet certain expectations (in many cases, ones you devised yourself!) which can then have a knock-on effect on your confidence and self-esteem. I must say, I’ve noticed that with me over the last few months where I’ve somehow let work (PhD and freelancing) consume me to a point where I’ve forgotten what it is like to sit back and relax, appreciate the little things in life or catch up on some quiet me/us time. Working from home full-time doesn’t help either because not only are you confined to the one place on your own but you’re also distracted by the daily running of the house etc and then when it all goes pear-shaped you begin to doubt your own organisation and management skills (traits I used to be so proud of!). It’s a horrible feeling when you don’t feel like you’re in control! I’ve also been kicking myself for the lack of posts on here (which I now have a backlog of) and for not finding the time to add more handmade items to my shop or marketing myself properly at networking events…. but I guess you can’t do it all and simply have no choice but to prioritise what’s more important!
Whether it’s an age thing, a woman thing, a career thing, a self-finding journey thing, a growing-up-face-the-reality thing, or what London does to you; I don’t know…. but what I do know is, that it has taken me a while to accept that I am, after all, human and not superhuman (please reassure me!) where there is only so much I can do in the time I have and I need to utilise it in the best possible way. So, while Im likely to continue keeping busy and not make any excuses for myself (me just being me!) I should probably learn not to beat myself too hard for not always accomplishing things! Or perhaps learn to slow down and not take on too much by jumping at every creative opportunity I feel is a stepping stone towards success………..hmmm now that’s probably easier said than done looking at my nature but I hope, in time, that’s something I will learn to do! :) This may seem a little melodramatic to some of you but we all have our own challenges to overcome so lets not judge, right? Anyway, the reason for this post was to let you know that there’s been A LOT on my plate these recent months so I do apologise for going off the radar. While it’s been ridiculously mental, there have been some really good times too so I’m hoping to try to catch up on as many posts today and next week so that I’m back on track before November gets here! Do stay tuned!! xxx